This makes me lovingly remember a colleague who insisted that avocados grown in California made her throw up. I had no idea how her body knew the difference between avocados grown in California and, well, any place else?

If you're that picky about your salmon-sourcing, you'd know that s/he's right, though—there's basically no chance that a wild-caught salmon entree in a restaurant is going to be $18. Maybe in Alaska? But not in Oakland. So he was asking a stupid question any way you look at it.

Sure, there are good reasons to not order farm-raised salmon. But this dude was somebody who clearly didn't actually ever want to order the salmon OR the beer and just wanted to ask stupid questions for no reason at all. If he'd actually cared how much beer was in a pint, he would've ordered the pint, but he didn't,…

If the allergy is severe, I could see being like "just don't bring in hand sanitizer" being a more effective rule than having a hassled family trying to check ingredients on behalf of a third party. Plus maybe it's the acrylamide thickener? Also, I may be about to stray into GET OFF MY LAWN territory, but does…

TO BE FAIR, there is a big difference between wild and farmed salmon, especially regarding health concerns (pregnant women, for example, should only eat wild).

"She tourniquets her arm at the elbow with an ice pick and towel, washes the blood off, puts the offending knife onto the gas fire, heats it to a nice brick red and...wait for it...cauterize her own arm."

"nah, it's cool. Little Susie was just planning how to kill her teacher, no biggie."

Let us all remember Saint Basil and his gallant sacrifice, amen.

This is the kind of outside-the-box thinking that we should encourage in children.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the tale of Saint Basil Fuckoff, the patron saint of waiters and bartenders.

PARENTS KNEW AND DID NOTHING LOL OK I DONT CARE HOW MUCH OF A FAIL PLAN THIS WAS, DO SOMETHING, DAMN.

She tourniquets her arm at the elbow with an ice pick and towel, washes the blood off, puts the offending knife onto the gas fire, heats it to a nice brick red and...wait for it...cauterize her own arm.

I was going to say, "Get new friends!" but then she was all, "I knew what was happening, hee hee!" and thought, "Time to go on the wagon, lady."

He's just being a shithead kid.

Bye! Have fun with your privilege!

You are like a cartoon character.

You don't know me. Saying "Ugh don't you get tired of hating men" is a dick move and I suspect you know it. It must be nice to NOT have to worry about a "patriarchal boogeyman", seeing as you're a dude and all and would only benefit from it.

I would not laugh if a teenage girl did that to a friend's Dad, first of all. Second of all, you can't say it's not about male entitlement and rape culture while in the very next sentence talk about how the kid had a BONER for his friend's Mom and started a twitter campaign BECAUSE OF SAID BONER. Those two things…

Of course. But you can bet that if he'd asked her and she said no, he'd say she "didn't get the joke" or "wasn't cool about it" or "should take it as a compliment" or "have a sense of humor" or "is being a bitch about it" etc. etc. etc.

Of course not. Why would they? She's not a human to him, but just a beautiful object.