I named my kitten Elsa* but I adopted her from the hot, humid streets of Guantanamo.

Shelter kitties are the best! (although only Lola, on the right, was a shelter kitty. Charlie was a stray who showed up at my parents' and demanded to be loved.)

The coolest cats are shelter cats!

I assume that like 90% of the articles in Garden and Gun are about dealing with gophers.

Good, any story or person that romanticizes slavery and southern bigotry can get fucking bent. That's means you Blake Lively and anyone/everyone who has ever had a wedding/event at a plantation.

The best part was that when my mom came to get me after I got fired (I was 16 — I couldn't drive myself yet!) she wanted to stop by the mall on the way home. There was a fancy new store that sold tapes and CDs (! — hey, this was 1986!) opening up, and they were setting up the store. In a fit of bravado I asked if they…

Sweet Baby Jesus! What is that thing? Is it like a sadness monster or something?

Nothing can make you irritable quite like being two kids into a marriage and realizing your partner is a clueless idiot who expects you to be flawless for him all the time and won't pull his weight in taking care of the family.

Yeah, I was going to say — I don't know anything about Dutch law, but it wouldn't make any sense to hold Romeo liable here. The crane operator is the one who should be able to, you know, operate a fucking crane. Romeo might as well go to Paris.

It's called insurance, and I'm pretty sure the crane company has to pay, not the dude. IJsselstein is white as fuck, but it ain't America.

SLOOTJES LOPIK. That's what it says on the crane, and that's what you get for using a crane from IKEA.

Interesting. In that outfit, to me he looks like he's saying

I'm ovulating so this is the worst thing to ever happen to me

Yeah, okay, Ross, we get it, you were mad about the ice cream.

HEY, CONGRESS, can we please take this shit seriously now that Ebola has declared a war on Sierra Leone's Christmas?

well fuck

Am I the only one who would be hollering, "Hey, where the fuck is my ice cream cone!"?

This is very tangentially related, but I once knew a (male) acquaintance who got into a fistfight with another random dude on the street over...what the best part of poutine is.

I dunno Anna, if you had been raised differently, I kinda think you might have grown up to have a morbid fascination with explosives.