Jezebel, I love you so much, but can I please just enjoy this one thing as the world crumbles around me? This is literally the only thing I’m looking forward to as the miserable puce hobgoblin prepares to ascend the iron throne. On a more serious note, I’m a Jewish woman and I’m terrified. My niece is biracial and I’m…

“Hi, welcome to Fresh Air. I’m Terry Gross. You may know Jesus of Nazareth from his kicking the moneylenders out of the temple or possibly from his biographical anthology, The Bible. Jesus, welcome to the program.”

jonathan cheban is like a someone glued doll hair to a cardboard triangle.

She buys groceries?! I assumed her sustenance came from turning her head 180 degrees and eating the face of her partner during copulation.

Great. Now I want to go to McDonalds.

How many times do they have to tell you they don’t start serving lunch until 10:15? Your fault at this point imo

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

hAHAHA this is great, I once found a internet meme with a bunch of words put into convoluted form. I think my favourite was the word for kitten being “cat puppy”

edt: omg I found it. BIRD LEAF

Additional evidence: At our 4th of July BBQ, 18 weeks pregnant, I couldn’t remember the word “cake” and tried explaining to my confused husband that I wanted a slice of “sugar bread.”

I wish senior year Obama was the Obama we had all along but at least now he is taking a stand, to fall back on clichés better late than never I guess.

I want to put a smiley face sign in my window that indicates me as a emergency, respite child care mom. You? Go take a shower by yourself. Walk through a quiet library. Me? I’ll feed your kid muffins and have them run in the back yard until they are too tired to sass.