That gif is so perfect and mesmerizing. I'm in awe of your talents.

My undergrad institution did the same thing to a dude. Guess what? He raped someone else.

It's because you function as a decent human being. It's a cross you'll just have to bear.

Knock it off!

I think roughly half of my husband's Christmas gifts are meat. I must search through them to make sure I didn't buy anything tainted. However, our Ludac(h)ristmas party is dessert only, so I think it will survive.

Why is Suzanne Venker going on Fox News when she should be at home making her husband a sandwich?

You are assuming a lot aren't you? Maybe she just wasn't in the mood for all the OMG's!

You are my spirit animal.

I want to buy her a drink.

U BTR aplogize fur that or Ill b calling mi 8torney.

What kind of lawyer demands an apology on behalf of their client through twitter?

What kind of professional writes like that? I don't care if it is Twitter. You graduated with a law degree and passed at least one bar exam. You are not a 17 year old trying to get out a blast between home room and second period. Are you fucking kidding me?

If my lawyer pulled that shit, he'd be immediately fired.

Jessica Biel says she "definitely" wants to make babies with Justin Timberlake.

THIS JUST IN: I showed my wonderful life partner my comment below and got back: "Rick Santorum was on safe ground. 'Apartheid' has three syllables.

The douche is strong with this one.

Bite your tongue. Halloween is Darth Vader's birthday.

Palin is an endless source of pleasure. She's like a remote controlled anal plug.

Ooooh! I'll play!

Dear god - have you no shame?