Aww, thank you. I had to create a burner because general consensus is I suck.

I really like that idea, but am pretty sure she would chew my hands off when I tried putting them on her.

He’s since passed, but I once had a cat where we were constantly warring over whether the pillow was for my head or his body.

She’s especially good at being sound asleep on the bed while I’m leaving for work every morning.

That time she puked on a beautiful piece of needlework that I’d just finished after 5 months work? I know that bitch did it on purpose. She had the whole fucking apartment to puke in.

One time my cat pissed me off so much I shut her in the laundry room for three hours just to not look at her. As I did so, I told her “And you know why I get to do this? BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKING CAT!”

And feminazis.

I’m not a spinster, I’m a trailblazer.

We’re losing our natural instincts.

A lot of Americans haven’t been around bison. I live in bison country and I’ve only looked at them from the other side of a fence. Which would explain why her host family were being dipsticks, too. (But not why they were ignoring the signs.)

I’m 40, not tiny, and still scared of horses. They’re really big and really jumpy.

Goats suck and should be avoided just because they suck.

This is exactly why my mother insisted I learn how to drive a stick - so that I can drive any car available to me in an emergency.

The story I read had her host family disregarding basic safety precautions as well. She could have just been following their (stupid) lead.

I hike a lot and the only time I ever actually went for my bear spray was because of cows who looked really pissed that I was hiking through their restaurant. I didn’t have to use it, but wanted it ready just in case.

It seems to me that a lot of people are either disproportionately scared of wild animals given the actual risk, or nowhere near scared enough.

I can’t watch the Walking Dead without thinking about how eating old canned goods and owls would give me cramping diarrhea and I’d be zombie food within a week.

I had a job once where you were sent to the annual conference with no food stipend or reimbursement because “there’s free food everywhere.” There was, but it was all canapes and sweets. I tried doing it their way the first year and came home so constipated I didn’t shit for a week. Every year after that I either found…

When I was voting who to put on the $20, I went not with who I thought most deserved it, but the least controversial choice possible. That way, when the right-wing neo-con fundies fight the change, they’ll look that much more douchey trying to find a “good” reason to oppose it. Sanger? “Eugenics.” Parks? “NAACP plant…

I already had intellectual reason to dismiss it. The day I emotionally let it go was the day my doctor found I was an inch taller than I thought I was and I immediately went from “overweight” to “healthy.” When one unknown inch makes the difference between “you’re gonna live to be 90!” and “you’re gonna die…