could it be....?

SATAN?!

Hold on a second there, LADIES.

Barbierei will go back to his side gig sitting on the board of a pregnancy center in the state.

Hmmm.... that was not a good save.

I'm not white.

As a Californian, I only eat free range linguinis grown in our offshore Linguini farms.

This might need a trigger warning though

No, that last one is okay. Bowls are only for soup.

I love you people (wipes eyes)

Not even serving it with some Pinot Giorgio can save it.

Oh show me the way to the next bowl of soup

I'm guessing yes. Her head has Beetlejuice-like proportions:

HOLD ON a minute and explain Canadian milk.

That works. As long as they are not crunchy. Because allergies.

*sips skinny whole-milk nonalcoholic Irish macchiato* from their monogrammed thermos

Nothing worse than linguinies that are picked too soon. Grilling them more won't even make them tender.

You should probably take a deep look inside yourself, and stomp that part of you into tiny little pieces, because if your initial reaction to something as innocuous as sunglasses is to commit violence then you are a piece of shit.

Maybe you're looking for PA to say something wrong because you called her out for not being witty to some rando telemodel on the red carpet and then she turned around and made this awesome speech. It seems pretty obvious at this point that she had other things on her mind than amusing the public on the way in.

You sound like a fucking ass. I wonder what thing you do that makes a person's first instinct upon meeting you to slap you across the face because there is something.

As someone with ocular albinism, PLEASE DON'T DO THAT. I wouldn't even wish the kind of pain sudden bright light produces for me on some tool who smashes a stranger's prescription eyeglasses.