pretty good skater who became a pretty good actor ditched scientology

Yes!!!! I eat like that, too, Gilmores, but it’s why my doctor feels the need to discuss the weight loss programs available through my insurance every single time I go in. Yes, even that time I just needed some antibiotics for my ear infection.

I try not to let it bother me that Liz Lemon & Leslie Knope would probably clock in at a sold three bills in reality.

More than the apartments, I’m more annoyed by the “quirky female character who eats a lot of greasy, fatty food but maintains perfect skin and stays slim” trope. She’s not shallow like those salad eating bitches, she just LOOKS like them.

What the fucking shit?!?! Why would this be published in a newspaper?

Let’s talk about our sweet pups who have passed!

I spend a lot of time telling my dogs they have to live to be at AT LEAST 35. We can negotiate from there, but 35 is a hard and fast minimum.

My dog is going to live forever and ever and ever and ever

Ha! I only make my children brush their teeth at night. Doctors/dentists tell me different, but no cavities yet ... fingers crossed.

I thought that too. It should be FLAGM (feeling like a granma), or FLARMWKAAGAFISNSCSC (Feeling like a retired mom whose kids are all grown and financially independent so now she can sort of chill)

Leisurely dinners with wine and an early bedtime should be called FC: Feeling Childless. It only happens when I pay for a sitter.

I FLAMmed hard as hell on picture day this Wednesday, when my 5 year old spent an hour refusing to put on clothes because deciding was too hard. And again on Thursday when she decided that choosing between pants and shorts was hard, and cried on the toilet for 45 minutes.

OMG are you me? Are you wearing yoga pants contemplating if 7:30 is too early to put the kids to bed on a Friday night so you can go to bed too?  

I realized the other day that parenthood is really just a test of how much of another person’s bodily fluids you can stand to be covered in and for how long. The other day, I found a smear of poop on the outside edge of my hand about an hour after I had last changed a diaper. Now in my pre-mom life, finding someone…

FLAM- Pooping while a child pounds on the door screaming for you. Combing lice/nits from an unhappy preschooler. Realizing that now you too have lice. Eating cold macaroni off your child’s plate because you haven’t had a chance to feed yourself. Stepping on a Lego at 3 am as you investigate the odd noise coming from…

Yeah, my version of FLAM is wake up tired at 5:45 AM, proceed to hustle three kids through two hours of getting to school routines, caffeinate myself into consciousness, bulldoze through a day, cry inside when the evening meal I prepare is thrown away and I’m castigated for never making ANYTHING GOOD, I cajole, beg,…

Hate to break it to y’all but parents generally don’t have a leisurely dinner with 2.5 glasses of wine. Typically the wine is your dinner and you hurriedly eat a sandwich over the kitchen sink while trying to get your kids to finish their homework, clean up their room and shouting for the 20th time. “NO, YOU CANNOT…

I listened to an episode of nerdist he was on a few years ago. He is very thirsty. You kind of got the sense that he had a list of things he wanted to touch on to put his most charming foot forward and was trying to set up Chris Hardwick* to ask or say certain things and Hardwick wasn’t hitting them all so a few of…

YAY! SNS IS STILL AROUND!