Well, when you get to be my age, not so much. And not too much in the brains department, either, which is really more important to me. But maybe that’s because I live in such a red state.

Bra-tucking-vo! Take a bow.

Holy Moses, I love you.

LITERALLY SCREAMING WITH LAUGHTER

I’m am LIVING for this gif and what you have it mean.

That guy forgot to have a neck.

Congrats!

If your wedding costs under $100, remember, NOBODY wants to hear about it!

That’s true. He’d understand. If Rachel Weisz became single I’d totally let him have that one.

Aw congratulations! Mr. Dog and I have been together for 22 years, married for 15.

So...she wanted the relationship to be more Loki.

Bigamy be damned, marry me.

or even after 6 months when you’re at a restaurant about to share a piece of meat and he orders it WELL DONE. I’m a rare girl and can go a little bit more cooked than that but if you’re eating at a good quality restaurant with great meat, you DO not eat it WELL DONE.

POOR TAY TO

The New York Post confirmed the news, reporting that, “ITS A NO GO FOR TAYTO!”

Maybe it’s not normal behavior to you, but I talk and laugh to myself all the time. I don’t use a British accent, no, but only because mine SUCKS.

This was at a Manhattan supermarket in about 2008. I was born and raised in Manhattan. It’s not that far-fetched a story, she’s not a demigod.

Even better, it seemed like she wrote her own jokes. It really is a job for professional comedians, but it sounds like she went out there telling “jokes” the same way she does in her “books.” They aren’t really jokes, just petty bitching while making snide remarks about the opposition to a bunch of people who agree…