G-Eazy Ariana Grande’s future boyfriend and Halsey have decided to split yet again.

I love it when someone can leave a bad relationship without hesitation or regret, just *boom,* they’re done, as you have. Good on ya.

People who who are stubbornly attached to the past are straight-up murderers of the present. They systematically murder the life they’re living, and then THAT becomes the past they’re attached to. It’s madness.

I mean, I think Orlando probably just got cleanish and soberish.

She moved to a cabin in South America, where she grows her own bananas and spends most of her time in the nude--which just sounds like a recipe for bug bites on the vajayjay, TBH. Her Instagram is freelee_official, if you want to check out her classy (?) nude pics.

That's, uh... colorful. 

He seems ever-so-slightly shy of a hinge.

You feel like a tiny doll to this giant 

I had an ex who was so uncomfortable with serious moments that he always had to make a joke. Sometimes that compulsion toward levity helped me keep things in perspective, and sometimes, when I needed genuine comfort, it was the exact wrong thing.

I bet the morning people described in this piece are also the ones who talk to you on airplanes.

I would actually love to see Trump go after Rihanna for this. Feel like she could destroy his ego in 1 tweet. Rihanna’s level of confidence (and admiration)  is what Trump has been after all his life.

What. The. Fuck. And yay for the Uber driver being a good person. (Not that they aren’t, just you know, yay for good people in the world).

Well I guess you can get a decent amount of exercise climbing on and off the operating table at your plastic surgeon's office.

Probably also true. All the more reason Irina Shayk should be allowed to enjoy her silent date in peace.

My mother has Alzheimers and spends a great deal of time in bed watching TV. She can’t follow very well, so she flips around and ends up watching crap. Not too long ago, I found her watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I said, “Mom, why are you watching this shit?” and she says, “I can’t help it. It’s…

Thousand dollar polyester shirts. Hysterical.

I saw the video of the people who went to this festival. This was a victimless crime.

Kanye....you might as well say “I just couldn’t vote for the chick.” Because WE SEE YOU. Kim should dump your ass, crazy-energy Yeb.

I hate everything.