It’s not my city, but I tell this to every person who tells me they are visiting Vegas. The best pizza I have ever had was in the Cosmopolitan Hotel, 3rd floor, just off the escalators at a place called “Secret Pizza” down a little hallway with no signs is a little pizza counter, and it’s the absolute best.

The best…

“Yes, folks, we live in a world where some dude who’s encased his body inside a welded pun can mansplain “tabard” to a female genius.”

It’s not mansplaining if you call the sky red when it’s blue... You were just incorrect and your fragile ego couldn’t handle it.

I can’t count the number of times one of us has said “We should have sex tomorrow night.” It’s just what happens when you’re busy actual adults.

I hope this shit doesn’t affect the casting or anything. I was excited to see the Doctor go in a new direction, breathe some life into it after grandpa grumpypants bored me for the first two seasons.

It’s weird, I love gatherings, but I hate people.

Bring em to Seattle, so I can ignore them because basketball is stupid, but enjoy the NHL that will come with it!

I’m sorry but if you spend a solid hour or more assembling two dozen things from twice as many racks for you to try on, another 30 minutes trying them on, and then we leave when you decide to buy nothing, you cannot blame me for hating “shopping.”

“I’m going to be on the lookout for this ambitious teen wherever I go... Seems like they know how to have a good time.”

Which is creepy internet dude code for “trying to get a beej from an underaged teen.” 

Went on a Friday in early September, was tolerable.

Only the Mayor of Flavortown is allowed to wear his sunglasses backwards without losing 100% of credibility.

Pun 100% intended right?

Pun 100% intended right?

Not with La La Land winning all those Oscars this year and the two leads actually doing all the singing.

I love you internet.
Cast a white person. Condemned for whitewashing everything. Try to cast a talented non-white person but run into difficulty. Condemned for not looking hard enough, or “fake trying.” Cast a mediocre non-white person. Condemned for making a lackluster movie.

What is a “typical staffer?” On a upside, apparently I make more money than a lot of people doing way shittier work in a horrible environment.

Unprotected sex via craigslist is probably the quickest.

Choreography is impressive?

Wouldn’t a passive-aggressive shooter use sharp pointed words?

Regular black dude, I dunno. Maybe if he had converted to Islam or something.

Why? Because everyone is a good guy with a gun, until they aren’t.