Or you could relax, ffs, and understand that you’re not CHAINING YOUR SOUL TO HIS. It’s a relationship. Maybe even a marriage. It’s not graven in stone.

As a longtime married, who would marry my husband all over again, I’ve learned something really important:

If you can’t see the difference between marrying a 27-year-old and marrying a 16-year-old...congratulations, you might be a pedophile?

and even urinate when humans allow them to.

The only way to give this a feminist re-brand I can get behind is to call them “Stanx” and have them be baggy, comfortable onesies with lots of deep pockets where I can keep my snacks for Netflix marathons of Call the Midwife.

I am a feminist who loves her Spanx. I have always seen them more as the magical substance that keeps the skin of my inner thighs from rubbing away when I’m wearing a dress. When it’s warm out I prefer to wear dresses, and I have found that Spanx are a lot more effective at preventing painful rub then regular…

I love Pratt so much. Can’t we just clone him or something?

The real winner is Anna Faris, of course.

“Fact: Unless you are a professional paleontologist, any six-year-old child in America can absolutely humiliate you at dinosaur trivia.”
I teach 4th and 5th grade girls science after-school. Truer words have never been spoken, Kelly. I am shamed by my lack of dinosaur knowledge on a daily basis.

I would let Chris Pratt score on me.

He’s Chris Pratt, of course, he knew all the answers, but he’s not going to crush a little kid on TV. Love.

Núñez. Not Nunez. Please correct.

Team baby.

Give me the baby. I tried, unsuccessfully, to get pregnant for 3 years. GIVE ME THE BABY! My wife and I will take the baby and love it and squish it and love it and the bad lady can just go fuck right off.

She agreed to have this baby, then tried to back out. I think “no backsies” on paternity/maternity is a good general rule, regardless of the genetic markers involved.

Just give me the baby and the Steve Buschemi dog and we will all go live happily ever after far the fuck away from these garbage people.

Marvel > DC.

I don’t care whether your suit’s blue or gray or red.