Yeah, I think you're right.

Gross. Your dad just called you a "provocative female."

"...The Aristocrats!!!"

"Shhhhhh. Hear that? A whale is in trouble."

8 of them. 9 if you count the shamash.

He should probably also remove his name from his requests for service on RentBoy.

Well, allow me to introduce myself: a man with very round, undistinguished features. I could not be less Bradley Cooper-esque.

Can I please see a long-form version of Congressman Coffman's high school diploma?

This is why I stick to drinking. Alone. In my apartment.

Did someone say "Labial Folds??"

$40 Million is a start, but where is my apology from Joe Montana?

Would everyone just leave that poor girl alone so she can go back to her reality show and TV appearances?!?!?!

I now look forward to having my prescription denied by a Christian Scientist pharmacist.

So you're encouraging people to disconnect from electronic communication, but then check in and use Twitter at the event? Awesome.

I can't help but scoff at this story in light of last week's coverage of that rapey town in Montana. Michael Fassbender is apparently ok to fawn over due to his abs, face, and huge wang because the woman who accused him had her charges dismissed? Well, many of the girls Jezebel (rightly) came to the aid of in Montana…

Shucks, I wish I was good looking enough or hung enough to beat the shit out of a woman and still get love from a supposedly pro-woman blog. Oh, wait. No. I don't.