Obviously the Russians hacked his account to sow the seeds of discord among us. AND THEY STAY THERE! AND THEY STAY THERE!

Good luck stuffing a squatty potty into a stocking... lol. The rest of the ideas are pretty great though.

Good luck stuffing a squatty potty into a stocking... lol. The rest of the ideas are pretty great though.

This is such an amazing post. Thanks Shep.

This is such an amazing post. Thanks Shep.

I learn so much from Kinja I sweaterGod.

The door lock button thing isn’t that complicated. An remote door closer and self locking door latch will do. If you want to be real fancy throw in a smart lock and an arduino kit and I could make it voice activated. The whole thing would cost less $100.

As an aside. Is anyone in the media not a sleazy? wtf.

#1 cause of fatalities: death

#1. People

I always end up next to that person who starts trailing off and you think they are going to stop talking but just as you start to open you mouth they start talking again. I usually look like this...

Me too, just one. May be we are going to the same party :)

Uh...I’ve been over this list twice, and nowhere do I see an Aerostich 1-piece Hi-Vis.

I don’t know anything about motorcycles. I don’t know anything about motorcycle clothes. I don’t know anything about safety.

“a French press involving absolutely no moving parts”

Well, ok, but if I get rid of my single serve coffee machine I’m going to need to find another physical manifestation for my crippling loneliness.

Your illustrator is too good for this place.

you could say she was just horsing around

Hi* (I need to stop posting from my phone.)

“High I’m Trent Reznor, lets get you in a new Hyundai Sonata today”