Guess you had to be there

People who brag about what college they went to are almost uniformly dumb (and very insecure). Are you going to brag about your Mensa membership next?

Every reporter should know by now that invoking “feelings” or “emotions” around the Belichick AI brings it one step closer to sterilizing the Earth of biological imperfections.

Jon Gruden: See, this guy right here. He’s a guy I like to call “Brokey McFuckstick”, because I make around 40% more annually than-

Argentine singer El Dipy

Well at least the Steelers have one person good at kicking.

Here’s the thing about saying the story “made the league look way worse than the Pats”: that’s totally true. What the report does is:

Let’s nip this one in the bud: filming opposing teams’ sidelines was only legal from designated areas in the stadium, and the Patriots’ tapes were filmed from outside those areas. So argue over how big a violation it was, but it was technically illegal the whole time.

Some how the fact that taping was legal before 2007 was left off this. Also taping is still legal as long as you don’t do it from the sidelines...Funny how that was left off.

That moment when you realize social chair Braxton booked the Beta Butt Chug Formal on the same night that Entourage comes out on DVD.

But, why though?

For whom are the court battles “embarrassing”? I am not embarrassed. Are you? It damn well isn’t the NFL, because - while “corporations are people, my friend” - I am pretty sure they can’t, you know, feel. And, even if they could, I am like, positive that the NFL would be the kind of person that doesn’t feel shame.…

I’m all in favour of the Second Amendment, provided it applies only to guns that existed at the time the amendment was ratified. No centerfire ammunition, semi-auto, double-action revolver, none of that.

You don’t even get a percussion cap (invented in 1807), so good luck killin’ folks when it rains.

“Why didn’t you correct the misinformation contained in the Mortensen tweet?”

“Well we had an investigation. And we needed to give Ted Wells the time and independence to come up with something that would support the things we told him to find. He had complete discretion on which facts to ignore, which facts to make up,…

I think what Goodell is trying to say is that he personally believes that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they…

Every bit as convincing as Jim Irsay’s annual Halloween costume.

I thought this paragraph from Charlie Pierce yesterday really summed it all up:

"Maybe poker's not your game, Ike. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!"

I could see this movie 1,000 times and never get tired of it, all because of Doc Holliday.