All of this....

“ they can probably walk!”

If this is indeed a high school kid (which I agree with), they can probably walk!

Also for those ham-fisted folks - you do not GRAB the wheel. It is not some grab-bar to hoist away at, as chunk is the enemy. You steer and while in control, you grip is loose, using your fingers, not your palms. Those “big hands” arguments need not apply.

It’s in the eye of the beholder, we need to stop forcing unrealistic thickness standards on young, impressionable steering wheels.

Both parents work outside the home and the teenager’s school, work and extracurriculars make life much easier for them if they have a car.

The word you’re looking for is “Liberated”. 

We didn’t conquer the french’s native land. It’s not equivocal

“Can we call it Toyota RAV4? Honda CR-V? No?”

This is the correct answer. Chrysler sells a bunch of Citroen and DS models, Dodge gets a bunch of Peugeots. Dealers get a bunch of crossovers in competitive markets, the French brands get a new market and dealer network while barely doing anything. Everyone wins!

Resurrect old names, and see what you can do in the EV market. Seeing how they’re essentially a dead brand anyway, Stellantis might as well use them as a do-over.

Wait, you’d push Dodge into the faux luxury spot Chrysler sits in now and bring in something to under cut it by selling cars?

Grab all the French crossovers, smooth out the exteriors, plush up the interiors, and let it ride. Keep the Pacifica and whatever Stellantis replaces the 300 with (if they do). If that doesn’t work, stick a fork in them. The PSA brand should be sold in America somehow, and utilizing an existing brand and dealer…

I would imagine they'd charge the batteries.

Hold my beer.  Just mount a steering wheel and race it!

This has probably been pointed out already, but this screams Hyundai Tiburon throwback (which is what we’re probably going to get):

It’s FAR more like Porsche roofline than it is Mercedes. I don’t see it in your example image at all

Hopefully it’s better than the squashed catfish that is the Sonata:

Even the Miatas are angry in 2020. There is no hope.

I’m hoping the new Abarth is a plugin-hybrid, so you can creep up on people, and then ... BANG! POP! BLAT!