I’m not sure what kind of bomb it was tbh but I bet it was fucking scary

Millennial self five! Even though I am not even near as awesome as these millennials.

At least he’s a METHOD asshole.

Also there is no such thing as early April Fools’; you get April 1 and that is it.

Best movie review ever. Madeleine I just want to read all your high movie reviews. IS THIS A SERIES? CAN IT BE? PLEASE? You could have Jezebel buy your weed. How awesome would that be?

Thanks for clearing up who is actually getting married in the film. My boyfriend keeps insisting it must be the girl and I’m like “SHE’S A CHILD”.

Excited for when Abby makes Nia play OJ and murders the other girls! (It’s gonna happen sooner or later, right?)

SELENA NOOOOOOOO

Other than hatred? Visceral revulsion is all I got.

I got drunk one night and started yelling at some guy because he kept spewing on about how he needs to “cleanse” and the benefits. Finally I snapped and was like YOUR BODY IS MADE FOR THAT JUST EAT SOME FIBER, AND POOP.

Honestly, I don’t really understand what these people eat so that’s part of it.

Like, of course they have to be restrictive but you can still be a supermodel and a football star while eating tomatoes and coffee! I have to believe that, say, Naomi Campbell and Peyton Manning enjoy a mushroom or two every now and then.

Okay so yeah, their diet means like, you basically can’t enjoy eating ever again, but I want to talk about the juice cleanse part.

I was a little upset when you ended the article without finding out what you would eat for breakfast.

When I first read that profile about their chef, I had the exactly same thought. “Sure, you look great, but at what cost?”...indeed.

Never before has so much beauty inspired so little envy.

Don’t forget Doritos!

And invest heavily in Nabisco, Little Debbie and Hostess.

Take Mary Jane off the Schedule I list and watch crime fall like leaves in October.