“Sure, Beyonce, you can duck in here to change! I’m just hanging with my buddy Ronnie Milsap!”

I guess this just went from “satiric” to “prophetic,” then:

Can’t a girl highlight her food baby?

Eh, I’m not mad at the Kardashians for being upset at Caitlyn here. Long before Caitlyn and Kris broke up, there were numerous things on for years about how Caitlyn (then Bruce) basically spent herself into near bankruptcy on stupid stuff. Even Caitlyn talked about this openly—- specifically how Kris basically saved…

As someone who watched all seasons of her life on the D list show, I doubt she’s in agony over this. She loves the attention good or bad. This would be all over if she kept quiet but she’s going to maximize the attention from this.

Summary of both Kathy Griffin’s remarks and career:

But will the king seek his Quarter Pounder of flesh as compensation?

My only take away from Kate Winslet’s filmography: Never take a trip with Kate Winslet.

But FIRST, I fuck you.

And how does this change the... oh, I see what you meant.

“Women, in general, get a lot of pushback, especially if you’re successful and attractive.”

My last MTV show was Date My Mom and Jesus Shitty-Titty Christ I’m getting old because that was 12 years ago and I was already old enough to rent a car even back then. Someday I’m going to have to try and explain to my grandkids what 120 minutes was and I’m just going to let the senility take hold. “You win, batshit…

Same thing with people that have multiple secret families. How the fuck do they ever even pull that off?

“Love Your Body [While We Only Make Our Cover Models Who Eat Wear Clothes] [Also Check Out This Woman’s Abs, You’re Hideous If You Don’t Look Like Her]”

TwitterAudit Says 67 Million of Katy Perry’s Followers Are Fake

I wish one-third of my twitter followers were real. I think all but five or six of them are bots.

Haha I actually got my nipples pierced when I turned 18 because of Road Rules Latin America. One of the dudes on there had them and wouldn’t shut up about how awesome they were. So to my little teenage mind I was like, “bad ass I’m gonna do that one day.” Turns out he was right.

Omg accurate. I need my drama to be wearing $10k sunglasses

Great, now all they need to do is make them more than just unreadable trash!

This might still be on netflix.