How did you turn Lucy’s physical assault on his property and emotional assault on Schroder’s dedication into him insulting her? How much torment did the poor kid have to go through before he could laugh in her face about her obsession with him for not being her lackey or admirer? But somehow his laughter from years of…

Occam’s Razor: what Browns fans use to cut themselves.

Mostly spy novels, and the occasional non-fiction.

“As of yet, there’s no clarity on the reason for his glove-corn...”

it’s ok man, you still have the Wizards

Bayatpour: “Schlemiel!”

“FIFA would like to ask all attendants at today’s match do not try to voluntarily hydrate the African Players. Thank you.”

That sounds right, actually.

[slides a beer down the bar]

Why would we wake up a crotchety whiner?

I feel like this is a good sentiment but you give terrible examples.

We’ll probably never know whether or not Lionel Messi really could do it on cold, wet nights in Stoke,

Maybe his aunt and uncle in Bel-Air will be more permissive.

“It’s totally unfair!! I was trying to talk rationally with them but they basically turned.......their.....back.....on.........

What the fuck does global warming have to do with this?

That’s good!

.... that’s bad.

Those are so damn lame. I refuse to believe you are actually this jazzed about those shots

It’s a conspiracy by the Carob Bean Queen. She wants us to have the same dream. You can find that dream on the Ocean, Billy.

Sure, Harper’s Spud Webb impression was impressive, but Johnson’s Hank Gathers one was even better.