He's never truly dead until we destroy his phylactery. You wanna get level-drained again, edked? Now help us search for it, before he reanim- {dust begins to swirl in center of tomb} Oh Gygax, no, he's here!

Ants watch Michael Douglas intently… then steal all his sugar cubes.

The turds that float to the top of the bowl are still turds.

Ugh. "Baby bird therapy" sessions are worst.

Allegedly Jones is the best bartender at the new Undisclosed Source nightclub.

The wall of kittens?

{hands head in shame, gets the f*ck out}

Just so long as it comes out better than Paper Jam Dipper.

I thought most of us were cubic zirconia or santo gold?

The judges would also have accepted "To the Pain."

Hopefully it'll cushion his frequent falls.

Lyle Waggoner's Idris Elba's a total jerk,
Second only to Tommy Kirk.
Could you find it in your heart
To love a 'bot like me-hee-heee?
That fishy story you tell
Always makes me slee-hee-pyy,
But that's just what I get
For dating a girl that's cree-hee-pyyy!
My Cree-hee-py Gir-hirl!

Do they make an easy-clean screen protector for Kindles?

While I liked the version that was ultimately made, I still wish Kurosawa had stayed on as director for Porno!, Porno!, Porno!

Ouch. Birthing a man must have been painful on mom.

No, he was Plank.

That explains why a captive bolt gun is standard issue to all employees.

The Hateful Handful Eight?

Ssssssstaring Dirk Benedict!

Well those residues from Ed, Edd, n Eddy aren't enough to live on.