Have you ever had flu? I’ve had it once, and at one point I was hoping I’d die just to stop feeling so ill. If my winning lottery ticket had flown out of the window and landed in the road in the middle of a hurricane, I wouldn’t have been able to go after it.

Sadly, as someone who watched his father die twice under the same circumstances (the initial heart attack, and then again when he was taken off life support), I believe that is exactly what is happening.

All that means is that her condition hasn’t changed. It’s stable—the same. It doesn’t mean she’s getting better. (I know how negative that sounds, but I’m a realist.)

So people die! So don’t ever ever be sad about death! because people die! Fuck that.

Both she and Prince Phillip are suffering from “hard colds” with speculation that it’s actually pneumonia. Pretty hard to kick for the aged.

My own mother died on Thursday, and I was sure that was the shitty end-all of a shitty fucking year. But sure, why not get in some additional kicks to the nuts while you’re at it eh 2016?

Your point being? It doesn’t make this year suck any less just because there was a plague.

My gut is telling me The Queen is on the list too.

I had my first slow dance with a boy to Careless Whisper.

Just when I was like phew, carrie fisher might make it.

“PUT A PENCIL UP RECTUM TO MAKE BOWEL MOVEMENT TO GET GAUZE PATIENT SWALLOWED TO COME OUT”

The hourly workers that will be working on Christmas may be greatful for the hours if they really need the money. That’s the saddest part.

Counterpoint: Cleveland is that bad.

Except Tilda does a weird, insensible thing when she says, “I’m a Scottish woman of 55 who lives in the Highlands. There’s precious little projected on contemporary cinema screens that means a great deal to my life, if truth be told.”

nope. Tidla’s emails were typical IM A NICE WHITE PERSON GIVE ME COOKIES, she literally checked off the bingo list. Maybe she shouldn’t have blasted her publicly, but I don’t blame her, mostly because like her in Trumps America I don’t really care about white peoples feelings anymore

None of these are sheathed knives, they are folding knives and do not have or require a sheath.

None of these are sheathed knives, they are folding knives and do not have or require a sheath.

A real question, and I only ask because I’m concerned for your well-being, how jizz-encrusted IS your copy of The Fountainhead?

Yeah, why dont you stop being an entitled pussy and return your paycheck?

You sound like a real fucking dickhead.

There’s a reason rich people stay rich, and poor people stay poor.