I think we went to very different colleges. All the girls from my school had tattoos of hearts, butterflies, and names of their pets.

Why do you sound exactly like my boss?

Clint Eastwood will trick you in to watching his movies sometimes. "Remember Unforgiven?!!" he asks in his raspy old man voice.

So, Craster's family, then?

Why do you think he's hanging out on the AV Club?

I saw the trailer for Gran Torino while watching a different movie and almost walked out on the trailer.

Clearly, you missed out on the "incest" cheat code.

See? Marco Rubio is the reason that Chappelle hates it when people quote his show.

W. needed something to get him through the long meetings with Karl Rove.

Was he part bee? I thought he just lived in a beehive and had a daughter whose existence seemed important at first, and then that storyline went completely nowhere except there were bees for a few scenes.

I cannot remember anything about the movie other than thinking, "Did they get an 8-year-old girl and her toddler brother to write this movie?" None of the scenes stood out, the characters were bland, the effects were flat, the world didn't feel new, lived-in, or fun.

The movie was never going to be good because Kunis and Tatum had no chemistry at all. The plot made no sense (and, I presume, someone had to have written the plot before the special effects problems happened). Avatar-like special effects innovations could not save that movie.

Did Neo go blind? I have seen all these movies, but I have idea what you're talking about.

I am picturing that this show is going to be a jumbled mess of talent (Straczynski) and inability to direct talent (Wachowskis). I'll probably like the show and never recommend it to anyone else.

But individual reviews could never match the glory of Zack's series-review! http://www.avclub.com/tvclu…

*Raises hand, shamefaced.*

It wasn't even fun-bad, like a glorious mess of a movie a la Troll 2. It just sucked energy out of its audience—some kind of meta-Matrix.

You should trust the reviews of Jupiter Ascending, though. That movie was mind-bogglingly bad.

In fairness to Scully, the show made it a real possibility that aliens didn't exist—that the shadow government was using aliens as a way to distract fringe elements from their evil-y tech projects.

Awww, I hadn't heard that. I didn't LOVE Battle Creek, but it had promise and was palatable for a network show. Plus: Dean Winters!