Maybe I’m a soulless monster but I didn’t find any of this funny or entertaining or even mischievous.

Hellcat powered Powerwagon with stack exhaust and call it the Warlock.

30 years ago muscle cars had ~150hp

The definition of muscle cars has evolved with the technology. Not to mention, plenty of muscle cars, even in the 60's, had every creature comfort available at the time. I'll get off your lawn now.

Cool. An EV with airless wire mesh tires, lawn chairs and a Direct TV dish to boot!

8.) Merkur XR4Ti

Production Model:

Looks more like a Lexus RAV-4 to me.

I think this is what my face looked like the last time I saw my Aunt Tillie at a family reunion.

Who is the "you" of which you speak in the title because, I assure you, I do not want.

Also, don't eat the glass.

For reference, here's a shot of the Renegade Trailhawk in action:

Exactly. A .3 drop from the 0-60 vs the 5-60 has to be one of the best I've ever seen.... What other sub 3-second 0-60 cars can claim 5-60 in under 3?

This article should be deleted. It's an embarrassment. He is outraged at 2.5 vs 2.8? Seriously? For something I thought every gear head has known since the beginning of time, he is outraged at .3 seconds...Yet some around here love to rave about the "fantastic" new WRX and STI which show the stark contrast between…

This isn't really a new thing that came along with traction control, though. A car's rolling start time from 5-60 is almost always slower than its standing-start 0-60 time, because you can rev the engine up and launch it at a more advantageous part of the powerband, giving more torque and greater acceleration.

I'm surprised you didn't jump on this line