That’s not real peanut butter. That’s some kind of bullshit organic no preservatives artsy-craftsy peanut shit. You ever try to put that shit on a cracker? Breaks them in half every time. 

Refrigerated peanut butter is easily a sign of serious mental health issues. I think it even has it’s own DSM-V designation.

1. They are muppets. But they aren’t Muppets.

As entertained as I am by the gal at the forefront of this gif, the real star is the dude staring around the corner of the machine.

Bert and Ernie are muppets, not Muppets. Any puppet that came out of Jim Henson’s workshop is a muppet, but only those appearing on the Muppet Show are proper noun Muppets. It’s not a hard distinction, folks.

Getting drunk AT the sporting event? Who am I, Rockefeller?

1. Bert and Ernie are most definitely NOT muppets.

This is my general reply to those kind of idiot - comments:

Reminds me of a conversation I had with a co-worker who transferred in from the deep south.

I’m starting to think that this entire Hillary Clinton hate machine is a misguided and collective unrequited love. Akin to schoolboys who bully the objects of their affections, only on a much larger scale.

I have a friend at the gym who is a Trump lover and he refers to her as Killary.

Republican North Dakota Rep. Kevin Cramer was pretty tweaked by the idea of Democratic women wearing white to last night’s joint session. “It is a syndrome. There is no question, there is a disease associated with the notion that a bunch of women would wear bad-looking white pantsuits in solidarity with Hillary…

No, they don’t actually hunt-hunt. They do the kind of “canned” hunting where a guide shoos an animal out in front of them, within a fenced-off pen. You don’t need dogs for that.

Remeber the meeting where Putin brought a big dog to scare her?

Animals and children can sense good or evil in people.

I know. Hasn’t every president in modern history had at least one?

First president in 125 years who has NEVER had a pet. Never. Bizarre.

No pets currently in the White House?