Drink some water for that burn. It’ll cool you right off.

I had a girlfriend do that (preach about water intake) a few years ago. “I lost like 15 pounds!” she swore at me. Then I found out she was drinking full-sugar sodas and swapped them out for water. DUH. Of course she lost weight. She just cut a bunch of calories from her diet!

Well, to be fair, a LOT of the stuff she says is eyeroll-inducing, but that one gets repeated a lot. She’s also the person in the office who talks about dieting but brings in baked goods a lot.

Thank you for having the strength to share your story.

For some reason I imagined you hadn’t been eating sandwich at the time. (Immaculate projection?)

Okay, this sounds insane in the given context. But when I had one done it was, like, the least invasive thing ever. I was wearing a dress so I don’t even know why I was made to put on a gown, but I was completely covered the whole time and the nurse/technician handed me the thing to put it in myself. Like, I’m super…

Ugh, sorry for your unpleasant experiences. I’ve only had one, and the young technician (me, 50s, her, late 20s) could not have been nicer. It was done in a procedure room of the large OBGyn practice I use, there was low lighting, it was quiet, and she offered me the probe to insert myself which I took her up on. It…

I’ve had a couple ultrasounds done by women who had clearly never had one done to them. One kept trying to press the wand into my chode/ass and got pissy when I said “ow! That’s not it. Up one more!”

LOL, i just spit sandwich out!

omg I read that as “3rd grade porno” and wondered what kind of fucked up elementary school you went to.

They do exist. They’re ridiculously expensive, but not as expensive as a sexual harassment lawsuit from a student.

For real, this though. I just can't imagine having all my peers up in my junk and then having to like...have a study group with them.

How in the fuckity fuck is it 2015 and some ingenious asshole hasn’t created a fake vagina specifically for this with sensors and doodads that ring a loud noise and say things out loud like “That isn’t the vagina, wrong hole moron.”

I have gotten countless vaginal ultrasounds in the last 3 years, and not once have they EVER had to “sexually stimulate” me in order to get the scan. Like, at all. Like AT ALL. It would go right in, without anything inappropriate or awkward, beyond me apologizing that my body is always like, “haha no not again” and…

Future Will Cain features on ESPN:

There’s probably loads of conservative ‘talent’ at ESPN, and we don’t know about it because who fucking cares what their political views are. They’re *supposed* to be there to report sports news, right?

So based on this bizarre hiring, the long leash he’s getting compared to other public faces at ESPN, and the fact that one ESPN personality (Schilling) got off scot free while suggesting evolution is a hoax while another (Law) got suspended for level-headedly explaining to Schilling why he was wrong, it all begs the…

Will Cain is a career political sphincter best known for not actually being Tucker Carlson.

Aww how nice they got Curt Schilling a playmate.

Catcher: That son of a bitch is throwing a shutout and now he’s shakin me off... can you believe that shit?