FOX reports this is also a good time to invest in Bitcoin and gold.

"Here's the thing, though: only one number factors into Super Bowl attendance statistics, and that number is STADIUM CAPACITY."

"Nah man, I don't wanna go to the Super Bowl, I'm going to an awesome Super Bowl party" said a guy who clicks on banner ads about the liberal conspiracy to steal our food

who exactly are they going to "show" these wins to? what a stupid reason to support this decision. they'll still remember their careers, and whether they can point to "official" victories in the NCAA ledger is beyond irrelevant.

I try to get online when I can. Being Pope is challenging.

I feel really positive for all the Penn State alumni who will interpret this move as a validation of what they've claimed all along: That their hero was not the driver of a nefarious coverup, but was simply too much of a stupid pants-shitting old dullard to put the pieces together, realize what was going on, and take…

We go live to the campus of Penn State University for reaction:

Truly today is a great victory for anyone who's ever assisted in the cover-up for a chronic sexual predator.

Wow. Now Paterno is on pace to take an even bigger lead in 2017.

It's too bad he's not alive to see that they moved Paterno ahead of him.

I was under the impression that for many of these young women, this level of attention to personal appearance detail was already part of their daily existence. I have a cousin who was your typical sorority girl. When she was a teen, she went to one of those "modeling schools" where they took a huge amount of her…

I don't know about that...

I'm simultaneously appalled and fascinated.

I have digestive issues and I think Im gonna do this

I can barely manage to leave mine down for 2 hours during the day. 15? GTFO.

Jesus Christ, this sounds like a lot of work. I'm exhausted just reading it.

This color is not found in nature. Her "sisters" are going to have to drag her to a salon even if it makes them all late for class.

Never forget

I don't think anything will ever top the cunt punt letter.