No lie, that’s exactly what I thought.

So then what the hell kind of unholy orgy is a hamburger?

There's a great Amy Schumer Show sketch about women playing down compliments.

I use it to fill part of an eyebrow that won't quite grow back since it was burned off, and either no one notices, or they are too polite to say anything.

The number of times a faculty member told me to go back to my class when I was in the library during my free period was ridiculous. First of all, I've shown you my schedule (because my word ain't worth shit), so I'm not lying. Secondly, I'M IN THE LIBRARY, READING A DAMN NEWSPAPER. What part of that needs to be…

Ooh, as a former skinny black kid who was bullied in grade school, I feel for your kid.

I got that a bit in high school, but I think it's because I was the only black girl in a gifted curriculum class, and generally specifically gifted class teachers tended to be less shitty to kids of colour because they were aware of how singled out the class already was compared to the rest of the school.

I was eliminated in a spelling bee in grade 5 because the teacher reefused to believe I'd spelled a word correctly (it was 'apparent'), even after another teacher CONFIRMED MY SPELLING WITH A DICTIONARY.

Ooooooh is this a chance for me to express my love for raps about Avatar?

In the words of Titus Andromedon, "No one knows!"

I've been photosynthesizing for years, and I'm doing fine. In fairness, though, I am a spiderplant.

Yeah, any month I don't want the box, I can just opt out.

Couldn't you just opt out of getting the box the months you didn't want it?

I sing some in French, and others in English with a Quebecois accent and an extra dose of disapproval. It's the only way I know how.

Is it wrong that I think these all sound awesome? It's mostly because they sound like earrings that Ms. Frizzle would wear, and that is meant entirely as a compliment.

As a fellow non-torso-haver, I feel your pain (both in liking the swimsuits, and knowing I cannot pull them off).

No matter what they did, it will never top grafitti done in Pompeii. There is a house the owner of which (so this is real fuckin' old grafitti) tagged with, roughly, 'Octavius Quartius is a shit'. He did this so the Octavius Quartius, who lived in the house in front of his, would have to see that every time he left…

He's like minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted commies during the Revolutionary War.

I used to watch tv with my grandmothers when I went to visit them. These were soap operas, and I was maybe 4 or 5. These are the two stories that keep coming up:

Through the Looking Glass is wonderful, and anyone who slams it needs to re-read (or read) it.