And I can reserve one for $100.

Fuck You Gray.

Screw over 118 people? That won’t even get you an internship at a U.S. mayor’s office. Gotta fuck over a lot more than that to get to the Whitehouse.

Good time to be an alcoholic.

Today... very helpful.

I don’t understand anything about anything about this.

Starbucks: “Hold my b... eh, nevermind.”

He got the idea by watching Westworld.

So basically, clean up the room for the maid and then leave her a tip.

“That essential oil diffuser will make your pets sick.” That’s the same thing my oncologist told me.

I have a Honda. What’s a “check engine light?”

Fortunately (and most unfortunately), my vision is so poor that none of the online shops will accept my prescription.

I think “The Force” is trademarked too. They almost had to use the term: “strange, invisible, magical energy user.”

“blow up in his face”

The only thing scarier than a gangsta-threat, is a gangsta-momma’s threat.

I did one better: I uninstalled Chrome. The ultimate spyware brought to you by Google!

Whichever way he meant it, I’m sure he was just trying to be funny. He lives in a world that no longer has a sense of humor. And that makes being a comedian a dangerous occupation.

A tub of Kraft Mac n Cheese powder?!! This IS MAGA country, indeed!

“I imagine a lot of white people miss the good ol’ days before...the Civil Rights Act of 1964"

Actually, today is National Me Day. That’s the day we celebrate me; everyone just sends me a dollar to: natlmeday23612@paypal.com.