TL;DR: “jesusfuckingchrist, just read the goddamn report that I wrote!”

Mueller has been a Republican longer than the President! He actively tried to be as fair as possible, erring on the side of caution at every opportunity!

I mean I genuinely don’t think Mueller really cares about helping the Democrats

So this actually happened to me once! See, when you’ve got the lights in your eyes, and you’re not sure if you’re gonna be able to get to it in time, you get a bit rushed and scrape your hand on your zipper.

So, basically you’re saying the Mets are calling Tebow up to the Majors tomorrow?

What many people don’t realize is he didn’t play much last year as an act of protest, raising critical awareness of widespread tampering among players, agents, and front offices. It’s not the first time he’s done something like this, either. During the first 15 seasons of his career, he protested league policies on…

This whole process just makes me respect Carmelo Anthony even more. No accusations of tampering for him. 

I do 8 minutes in the oven, set at 350 but starting cold. Always works perfectly, and you don’t have to wait for it to preheat.

Those were precisely my dad’s first signs of dementia.  Have a nice day!

For a huge part of the final tiebreaker at Wimbledon this year the announcers didn’t talk. It was so much better. I really wish you could always just opt into “ambient sound” as the audio component of your feed.

if you eat leftover sliders you deserve whatever happens to you

“If you wanted chicken you should have gone somewhere good, you piece of shit” is how I end all of my emails.

Any other fast food item is to be binged in a disgusting display shortly after purchase and then thrown away out in the dumpster so your spouse does not see what you’ve done again

Just think how profitable you could be if not for the outrageous paper expenses!

I once was attempting to robo-trip with my college girlfriend - y’know drinking way too much robotussin so that we could fry balls (not recommended!) - and we ended up at a Fazolis. My spaghetti proceeded to mouth the words my girlfriend was speaking and I’ve never, ever come close to wanting to eat that again.

I like how everyone is rattling off their bullshit regional chain restaurants. That’s against the rules, you don’t get to say the clearly better quality product holds up better than national stadium sponsoring size fast food fuckshacks.

this comment made me sad

If you dislike reheated pizza, it’s only because you have never reheated pizza in a skillet on the stove.

If any game deserved to be priced at $80, it was The Witcher 3, and yet they still made a shit ton of money at the $60 price point. The $59.99 price tag is not the problem. The insane salaries of these CEOs and the demands of stockholders is. Bobby Kotick is the devil of the games industry, but he’s hardly alone in…

I’d pay $70 ($80 might be stretching it right now) for games if that was the standard cost and included all DLC for free and had no microtransactions - you know, how games used to be. I would think charging $70 for everyone would more than make up for charging $60 + the percentage of players who buy the DLC.