Somebody should destroy their satellite before it gets to orbit.... oh...

“Bless your heart” is often tonal and always contextual. Like... when my 2 y/o daughter says “Want cereal.” That might mean “I want cereal, please,” “I want cereal immediately,” “I don’t want cereal,” or “Get this fucking cereal out of my fucking face before I cut your bitchass.”

Had someone try to argue to me yesterday that Pence’s denial of things Kaine quoted Pence and Trump on was technically correct because Kaine changed the wording... except Kaine made a point of using exact quotes every single time and didn’t change any wording at all.

Don-descending?

“Mike had the single most decisive victory in the history of presidential debates.”

“I’m getting a lot of credit because this was my so-called first choice, that was my first hire as we would say.”

“The ‘s’ in Illinois is NOT silent, believe me.”

This is just more proof that 2016 is just fucking with us at this point.

Oh no. His rights are being violated? He’s being compelled to do something against his will? An agenda and a time frame that is being forced on him by another party? Outrageous.

Also “stale.” Eh, what’s a little rape or assault when it’s that old. Its sell-by-date is long past. Get over it. It’s all fungus-y now, anyway. Can’t you just toss those memories away like I do my pack’a ‘ludes?

So having statutes of limitations and granting victims the right to use them as designed and as time and circumstance permit (pursuing this kind of thing is, understandably and as Cosby himself can attest, expensive, frustrating, demoralizing, and terrorizing) violates the rapist’s civil rights. Interesting and…

One of my jobs (and my favorite part) was to go through the crowd at concerts and pick out fans to give surprise backstage passes to, inviting them to a meet n greet. The chicks all in spandex (it was the 90s) with their makeup slathered on and their ten inch heels who didn’t even know the music and were obviously…

Many liked it, rocking an 83% Fresh on ‘Rotten Tomatoes’ and a 4/5 user score. I enjoyed it and then REALLY enjoyed it the second time with my sister and her co-workers, all of whom walked out pretty happy. Every so often I like to go and visit my old friends; I’ve known them for decades now...

I do this to my computer often. With an impeccable Scottish accent. Everyone always looks at me like I’m weird.

Matt Fergusson is a badass:

I am a scientist for a drug company. I always tell my physician that because they need to understand where I am coming from when I discuss medication. I don’t tell them what to prescribe, but if they prescribe something that I don’t think will work based on studies (that they may or may not have access to, but hey, I…

It's a good thing drugs and medications only encompass a small component of their job then!

Then your transformation is complete, grab a stethoscope and get to work.

Find a new doctor who knows at least as much as you do.