“Hey guys, who can rip an apple apart?”

Such a ridiculous double standard when it comes to catching your spouse masturbating. The few times I’ve caught my wife or found out about it later I’m like “Hey now, that’s hot...want some company?” But whenever she catches me it’s all “Gross! What’s wrong with you? At least wait until the funeral is over!”

Foolish mistake, really. I prefer to manage my Crohn’s disease by beating my wife and my boss only suspended me two days

So he was smoking the Crohnic?

Nuclear power =/= nuclear weapons mi amigo.

Living in Canada feels more like living next to a biker bar than a police station.

Me

If it was some western mother sending tweets from her child’s perspective about waiting for Santa Clause or something else banal no one would bat an eye, but because people don’t want to comprehend the suffering this child is going through they’ll try and find any reason to dismiss the source.

I, for one, am shocked (SHOCKED) that this has occurred.

You, however, can fuck off.

I’m pretty sure the common thread here is marijuana. The employees got freaked out by a customer and hid in the back: high. Dude goes to CVS in the middle of the night looking for cheese and spends 45 minutes wandering around the store: high.

Yea but Steve Smith is OUR douchebag. Burfict just sucks....

I thought it was Leicester City that specializes in X-rated boners.

Drew’s neck gives him a decided advantage in headbutting range. Refs and opposing players, managers, etc. who decide to jaw with him will think they are arguing at a safe distance...then BANG.

I love the Jewel one. I thought it perfectly encapsulated all the deservingly ugly shit that flew Coulter’s way.

I was drinking water while reading this and had to spit it out when I got to Peyton’s quote. I didn’t know he was at the roast, that line just killed me.

Are those “Trump Sniffles” contagious?

I’m always like “what difference does it make?” I mean, where’s the line? I have a hard time believing she’s secretly a good person and is just being a troll. If you’re pretending to be a Nazi in everyday public life all the time, then you’re a fucking Nazi.

Ann Coulter doesn’t have the stamina to be a professional troll. Have you seen her lately? Something’s really wrong with her, a lot of people are saying. Had to cancel an event. Sad!