Because it b’golly is:

This is the face of a man who can’t figure out how a paperweight works.

This is not the face of a man pretending he didn’t fart. It is a face that is daring you to bring it up, and threatening to kill you if you do.

I’m reminded of one of my first Christmas memories. My parents were at mom’s office party at Nakatomi Plaza when a reporter threatened our nanny with deportation. Exciting stuff.

And the “H” doesn’t even make sense! Was “R8ERS”already taken? If so, how sad is it that the owner of the fucking team can’t even get his first pick of a team-related vanity plate.

For one thing, he quit drinking 15 years ago when he realized it was time to prepare himself to run the team. “I’ll go back to drinking if we win the Super Bowl or I get married,” he says. He cocks his head to the side. “The first one will be because I’ll want to, the second because I’ll have to.”

I bet ex-Raiders players and staffers have all kinds of anecdotes like this that no one believes.

I need to see photos of this van

I used to hate this man’s egghead haircut. Now I LOVE this man’s egghead haircut.

Do you think he’s just like, “I want to look like the sunburned tip of Ronald McDonald’s dick”?

Jesus, this man resembles a thumb with teeth.

Their fans occasionally take 500 mile trips as well, though it’s to federal prisons.

They tried to overhaul Pentagon accounting when $1 trillion went unaccounted for in an audit. Since then $8.5 trillion in Pentagon appropriations have remained unaudited.

I think it’s a bit unfair for Congress to call out the whole NFL when teams like the Raiders and Jaguars receive no contributions from defense.

And now to take a close look at the remaining 99.999% of the annual DoD budget.