Every time I see floppy penis on the beach, I can't help but be reminded of Eurotrip.

My navy blue flashlight that qualifies as a weapon and is illegal in certain states is my self defense weapon. But I'm not gonna lie...if it had been offered in purple or covered in stars, I would've gotten it. Not pink, though. I have pink kitchen tools.

She seems like every 17 year old I've ever met. I also realize that my hair is fixed exactly like hers'....I fix my hair like a Palin. My tea bagger mother would be proud.

My mom dropped me off with my sister and older cousin at the movies to see it. I was 11. My sister and cousin snuck into an R rated movie and left me alone. I still have never told my mother. The only thing she had a problem with when she saw it, though, was the pube pizza scene.

Rachel Leigh Cook on a new show and She's All That suddenly being available for instant streaming on Netflix are not coincidences. Just sayin'.

That does look like something from Saw.

I have power. My office doesn't. I get to sit in the air conditioning and sleep in tomorrow. Win.

Obviously they don't know Easy V doesn't come for free, she's a real lady.

I never even saw that movie and I know the full context. What does that say about me?

I always try to get my little cousins to listen to The Beatles. Seriously. One of these days I'm gonna get all the little monsters over to my apartment and introduce them to my record player and record collection.

My big sister used to give me so much crap for having a thing for Jack Hanna while I was growing up. His show was the only reason I would get up early on Saturday/Sunday when we didn't have cable. I love how great he was with animals and the bloopers! He still looks amazing.

They just need to film my dreams if that's the case.

*You're

This is one of those articles that I'm having a really hard time getting worked up over. Honestly, the little sociopath deserves her full punishment.

I adored it. Absolutely adored it. There's nothing wrong with this movie. It was perfect.

She's in her riding dress on the beach towel I got for myself.

I do, too.

That may be the case, but the general disciplinary action for anything that occurs on the bus is suspension from the bus. The amount of time depends on the action that caused the suspension. And chances are that this woman is just one of many people these children have tormented. They seem like old pros at it.

I read the headline as "Most Thorough Thief Ever Steals Car with Baby Inside, Then Baby Steals Earrings," which made me think the baby stole the thief's earrings. That's a bad ass baby I wouldn't want to mess with.