A friend of mine is getting married for the first time at the ripe age of 50, which is great, BUT he’s insisting on having a raging Hangover-esque bachelor party. 

He could have at least tweeted, “17 years since September 11th! SAD!”

If you say 9/11 three times quickly, Giuliani appears.

not the kind of article about destructive Jets I expected to see today, but cool nevertheless

For a fraction of a second that did not seem doctored to me.

When the Vikings get eliminated from the playoffs again, can you print that phrase on a polo shirt and make Drew wear it every day until the next season starts?

This text is the “hello fellow kids” meme come to life.

When America sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing crime, they’re bringing drugs, they’re Roseanne...

“Minorities welcome and needed!”

Jerry Jones watched this country elect his buddy president, so he doesn’t THINK we’re stupid, he KNOWS we (collectively) are stupid enough to believe anything if its being said by a rich enough guy.

Waiter: Would you like some pepper, Mr. West?

“My family watches the American History Channel and it’s constant anti-German propaganda,”

Trump would lose a game of 2D tic-tac-toe.

Gee, it’s almost like he’s not playing multi-dimensional chess, but that he’s a thin-skinned little narcissist with terrible impulse control. 

With huge exceptions like Penn State and Michigan State/US Gymnastics most pedophiles and/or predators aren’t sheltered and protected and allowed to rack up thousands of victims. Most predators aren’t considered God’s representatives on Earth who you can’t cross.

What I can’t figure out is at the end when she says she moved out by Christmas, did she leave the husband by Christmas or did she and her husband move together? I hope she left him, that guy sounds awful.

HOLY SHIT THAT HUSBAND IN THE EMAIL OF THE WEEK

My wife, a lovely and thoughtful woman, purchased a very expensive Redskins jacket for my birthday a couple of years ago. What she hadn’t realized is I had abandoned this morally bankrupt team and cringed at the thought of wearing the fucking jacket in public. 

Coincidentally, she had also been imploring me to lose…