“Revvin’ up them ovens, boys...”

We get it, Elon. Get yourself together.

I walked in on my roommate watching 50 Shades of Gray. It was a scene where one of them was making breakfast for the other, and all I could think about was that they had this sleek, ultramodern kitchen, but then all the cookware looked like they stocked it by giving some PA 100 bucks and an Uber ride to Marshall’s.

“My desires are unconventional.”

Who is this product even for? Like I get that on paper the answer is “grody tech bro libertarians,” but I have to imagine that, for those dudes, making creepy passes at the girl who works the juice bar is a critical part of the juice drinking experience. So... who is this for?

Do you work for Christian Grey? Sounds like the kind of shit he’d buy

The AV Club

We use this stupid thing at my work. Someone actually got in trouble when the general manager heard her question the wisdom of getting this. I want to think that whoever decided to order this thing is going to face some consequences, but we all know that whoever it was is too high up the chain for that.

I’m too drunk to edit this comment

Let’s just take a moment to appreciate how badly Tomi has fucked up, on a personal level.

Why is his iPod so big?

Actually, I didn’t decide it. The FBI did.

That’s cool—I’m a Scorpio, and we don’t believe in astrology.

Ugh. People aren’t covering the Russian collusion because of petty partisan fighting, it’s because it’s potentially the biggest scandal in the history of modern US politics and government.

She was the one who said, “I’m a millennial, so I don’t like labels,” wasn’t she?

Her entire career seems based on willfully embracing evil, rather than just being too dumb to recognize it. Less of a Stepford wife and more of a wraith, or some lower order of demon.

How about we make a deal? How about when the fake King  stops talking about armies of the dead day in and day out, maybe we can drop the Tyrion traitor scandal. But until then, I think I’m going to stay on it.

Your comment is dumb. This was one of Obama’s policies. Are you saying that the “liberals” (in quotes because I know what kind of shit you’re trying to pull here) would have a problem with Obama changing or getting rid of one of his own policies?

Well, that’s redundant.

They blame African-Americans for getting shot while unarmed. Of course they’ll blame one for a hurricane.