Fool!

I wish I could stretch my ballsack as far as your argument...

Madison Bumgarner will be very upset about that picture after he learns of it- after he helps fix his pa’s tractor and finishes his story about deer antlers with the neighborhood yokels in his driveway before sunset.

OBVIOUSLY a woman only accuse a man of rape when the woman is upset at the man for some reason.

“We intend to portray the plaintiff as a money grubbing whore. Do you have a problem with that?”

15. Have you heard the phrase “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?” What does that phrase make you think?

Fuck you right in the eye holes, because that’s where you just fucked me.

Obsessive piano playing and fixating on an object are common symptoms of kids with a Taipei personality.

Do you think it was the same cardboard cut-out of Jordan that starred in Space Jam?

OH YEAH BRO? OH YEAH? I GET LAID ALL THE TIME BY 10/10 MODELS SO OFTEN I CONSTANTLY HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL TO GET MY FLUIDS REPLACED. I’M LIKE THE BRAKES OF AN AARP MEMBER’S CAR BRO JUST SPLOOSHING EVERYWHERE. I’M BASICALLY BANGING GIRLS LEFT AND RIGHT, AND I HAD TO HAVE MY WIENER REGISTERED AS A WEAPON BECAUSE I…

this is for the people that didn’t know they needed to see Mark Davis’ hair on Sheldon Adelson’s head.

Imagine being so rich that you have no fear of leaving the house looking like that.

Nothing highlights the fact that your head looks like the tip of an orange penis quite like a white tie on a white shirt.

Those things migrate like Arctic Terns when you have kids in the house. I swear we have at least 20 of them, and I still often find myself without one.

I don’t like Donald Trump. In fact, I might actually hate him. And this guys seems like a douche, and I sure hope the Mets beat the Cubs in the NLDS. But I am not sure it follows that someone who tried to get a different Republican elected cannot now support the Republican nominee without being labeled a hypocrite.…

Yes, agreed. My personal rule of thumb is to only kick women sober enough to really feel it, you know?

Seriously, Tom, can you guys please fucking focus on what really matters: did he stand respectfully during the pledge of allegiance or not?

Which is what makes throwing her to the ground and kicking her totally acceptable.

She really could have used a pile of guns to cushion her fall.

Jerry needs to remind the players not to wear their jerseys while they’re beating women.