We've moved into a meta-post-PFTCommenter universe in which satire has become impossible.

So you're saying you got screwed because you worked for free for Bleacher Report (of your own accord) for years ASSUMING that you'd eventually get a paid offer?

"I actually had chosen Santa Clara over two other schools I got into, Gonzaga and Marquette, because the Sharks were so close by."

I'm sorry, that's the worst sentence I've ever typed.

Arena football is also like a roller coaster in that the employees make close to minimum wage.

12 years of me watching Cleveland Browns football in one article. Awesome.

They pay you for your voice. That's your life experiences plus your influences all bound up in one package. If your voice sounds different from all the other voices, you'll do fine.

When the Colombia wins it all (or loses in the next round, whatever), can we have a Super Compilation of all of their goals? They have the best calls in the world right now.

You can't lose a fucking ball in the midfield protecting a one goal lead in stoppage time. You either bang it down the line or get your head out of your ass and keep possession.

Here. It's hurting me.

That is the cleanest I've ever seen Pittsburgh.

holy shit, everyone of these is greeted with the some variation of this "too enthusiastic", etc. Americans just don't understand, that's announcers, the whole country have been waiting for this moment their whole lives. In Honduras' case, they haven't scored in a World Cup since 1982.

It must be tough to be THAT white...

Have you been to Latin America?

Can't blame him, it's a pretty amazing moment for Bosnia.

A high scoring game between Colombia and Costa Rica would be either the best thing in the world or the worst thing in the world.

Italy have put on a clinic in letting the ball do the work to absolutely pick the english defence apart and doing so at walking pace. The fact, that you can't appreciate it, speaks volumes of your ability to comprehend the game.

"The World Cup—all tournaments, really—are won with superstars. "

Greece. Euro 2004.

Well that's a pretty fucked up thing to write. Do you really hope that people get hurt and/or die? Would you like to see the skydiving and BASE fatality lists and learn about these people? Would you like to crap on their families and friends?

"Moving forward there will be no further in-season negotiation and the organization will refrain from commenting on this matter."