I also think you need to determine if a particular “fantasy” is worth making it a reality. Some fantasies are just better off kept to yourself, and allowed to be just that, a fantasy. If you determine a fantasy has to become a reality, then I think you have to share it with your partner without fear, b/c keeping that…

Watch a lot of porn.

To quote Margo from the Magicians:

Taking the Army to multiple overtimes is a fun tribute to the war in Afghanistan

“Every story deserves a happy ending.”

be a lot of dead coupon clipping boomers. 

I never understood the need to keep up appearances when you have a job that does all the appearances for you. Who cares what car you drive? You’re licensed to pilot a motherfucking JET. Keep your cash and come up with some great retorts for the ribbing that the superficial tech bros and venture cap babies feel they…

Um.

Small batch artisanal fucking or GTFO.

Now I wonder how much of electrical generation emissions are just for wanking, and what savings a “one less a week” campaign would do...

Whoever edited this is my hero. Internet always wins. lmao

It’s good because I knew from the start that is was coming, and it still managed to deliver. “Turf toe” was perfect pitch. The Magary-style aggressive capitalization works, too.

It’s important that it’s a man.

Not afflicted with the small bone?  Nick Foles. 

If there was a young man in literally any other profession who made $100 million before he was 30 and decided to retire, he would be lauded. The Wall Street Journal would write thousands of words of wankery praising his acumen and smarts and god bless America.

Andrew Luck’s retirement will only increase the primal urgency of Football Men to find True Football Believers to play football, so that they don’t ever question their faith in it.

And it just reaffirms what I would be thinking if I were Luck: I’ve gotten plenty of money, I’m a smart dude who has interests outside of football, and the NFL/Colts/Indy are such a trifecta of toxicity that I’m better off exchanging CTE and more money for lots of money and some sweet, sweet travel.

If I were Luck, I’d…

Much like all good colts who have suffered injuries, Andrew Luck will retire to a lovely farm upstate.

* grabs shotgun *

* takes Luck out back *

I guess you could say Indy's luck has........run out.

It is probably like calling Comcast or Time Warner to cancel your service because there is finally another option in your town.