What are you talking about? This tweet is terrifying.

The little arm can’t complete the process, either.

What kind of feces? Human? Or from the possible pet monkey? Or a dog? Or cat?

Jacksonville is 39-89 since 2008. A .305 win percentage for the last 8 years. For comparison, the Browns are 37-91 during the same span.

This should win a Deadspin Award.

Two decades? Two???

Only one team blew a #1 on Manziel.

Such a deep category. I mean, just in the NFL, you could include the 49ers, the Lions, the Cowboys, the Raiders, the Jaguars, the Patriots.

But Cards fans would wear that like a badge of honor: “they done hate us ‘cause they hain’t us. Now let’s figure out how to turn four of the birds on a bat logos into a swastika. Cause that’ll be the sweetest tattoo. Ever.”

Don’t give Hinkie what he actively pursued. And the Cards are the worst, but not the worst.

Now sit back and watch this city rise like a phoenix from the ashes of the Cuyahoga.

I wish I could have seen it, but this is how I imagine it, only with every Kessel-looking Yinzer mumbling “Kessel, Kessel, Kessel” with mouths full of processed meat.

I’d love for this to completely devolve into the Roman orgy that is Vegas: topless showgirls dancing on a platform hanging over the ice between periods, $3.99 all-you-can-eat shrimp buffets every 30 feet along the entire concourse, an ATM planted in the armrest of every single seat.

You still have your great-grandfather’s lederhosen, so why waste it? The price is right, and a good leather garment is durable enough to last for generations.

I swear I’ve actually done three of those, although two of them are really just the same janitorial job.

Don’t listen to the scary man, honey. We’ll go at least 4-12 in 2073.

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Today in Alternate Future History:

One kid going out of his way to ambush an official is one thing. Two of them doing at once tells me this was ordered from the sidelines. If that’s true, end their season right now and fire the staff.