We decided LONG ago that he is not allowed to discuss my weight with me, ever. But he's okay if I discuss his (he's a triathlete and in his off-season he balloons up like the goddamned Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, busting out of his clothes and costing me money), so it kind of works out. Haha. He's allowed to encourag…

I always thought the male version of "Bye Felicia" was "Bye you stupid fucking asshole motherfucker." I guess I owe some male Felicias an apology.

This is me, exactly, right now. Except my cone of shame is Trader Joe's Pecan Pie Ice Cream (Super Premium).

Actually, scratch that.

She's a communications director, and she has a comma splice. I know it's the bane of the internet to nit pick grammar, but in this instance, because she's a communications director, I believe it's warranted. "try showing a little class" should have a dash before it, IMO, but certainly not a comma.

My favorite is: those who can, teach. Those who can't, make laws about teaching.

I'm never having a kid but my imaginary daughter is named Sophia Genevieve.

Exactly what I thought! In the updated Cinderella story, her fairy godmother (a sleazy plastic surgeon) tells her to make those titties count because they'll be gone by midnight. Then Cinderella leaves her bra at the ball, the prince makes every woman in the land try it on during his search for Mystery Tits,…

cat pictures?

Its the bum part of Obummer

None of this would be a problem if bears wore pants.

The dark side of arts and crafts.

A doctor of musical education not only passed qualifying exams affirming their expertise, but completed a dissertation that contributed to the corpus of knowledge in their field. Acquiring a J.D. requires neither of those things.

It's actually about ethics in video game journalism.

yeah, I mean...isn't that what you DO in 4H and FFA? I remember my uncle telling me about FFA kids selling their animals to each other so they wouldn't have to slaughter the one they raised.

They didn't cut its throat, they snapped its neck. That's pretty instantaneous and the animal does not scream. Come to think of it I have seen animals slaughtered by having their throats cut (chickens, goats, sheep), and they don't scream either because their windpipes have been severed.

I have a special dislike for people who eat meat but refuse to see what it takes to make meat. You shouldn't eat things if seeing where it comes from makes you cry. You shouldn't feed things to your children if you think seeing it made would be traumatic.

Right? "erika, it's winter! Put on a coat!!!"

Okay, I took my bra off and now my stress level is down to about 25.

My 2 year old daughter wants to be a soccerball.