My parents are visiting for the long weekend and I really just need my dad to explain to me what is going on. I’m 32.

Seriously at this point how the fuck is this real life. It’s too much to absorb. Like my new reality has shifted too quickly and I can’t fucking handle it. If I had the money I seriously would just go and herd cows at this point. The world has gone fucking mad.

I’d been doing this too until my neighbor complained about the weed smell. Now I’m back to being completely miserable and misanthropic.

Where did Israel and Palestine get peace?

Goddamnit, I almost forgot about Rubio winning my state. 6 more years of that shit-for-brains doing nothing at all for us here in Florida. GODDAMN EVERYTHING

S. Fla high-five.

Except (and as someone with ZERO Spanish/Portuguese) even I could have guessed that contra meant “against” or “oppose” ie CONTRAindicated, CONTRAlateral, CONTRAception.

Danny Pudi as Lobot or I fucking riot.

The Irish dilemma. If you have a potato do you eat it now or wait for it to ferment and drink it.

ATTN: Black Women

so thats what a seventh degree burn looks like...

lol no. No, dude. I am here to tell you. No. Eta I hope no one gives you stars

The other day I killed a mosquito and as it died it smirked at me and whispered “Ba-Zika”. As a Jew in Boca I’m prepared for the bagel cure (bagel with cured fish?) but I’m going for a plain with cc and sable, dotted with belly lox.

“’d love it if all the main characters were in just the most brutal fight — Sansa is holding Cersei in an armlock while Arya repeatedly stabs...Jaime is bashing Brienne with his golden hand...Jon is feeding Ramsay to Ghost...and Bran is just warging the shit out of everything, and thousands of soldiers are fighting…

36 here, way past desperation into “just made myself a mango lassi” territory. Zero fucks given, let's all enjoy fruity drinks.

i love this show so fucking much. that threesome in a pool of blood was beautiful. i am so down for lily’s mission to kill all the assholes.

You should be ashamed. I’m a feminist and I put in the work. I do a full ten hours in my day job, then I work the third shift down at the Misandry Foundry.