Earlier today I was advocating for the inclusion of finely-minced or food processed meatballs in lasagna. Meatball pie just laughs at the notion of that and says “we can do you one better ... this goes to 11!”

What do you think they do with those tickets after they’re redeemed? 

I like biting into the shell because it gives me a pleasant hit of the salt from the shell (unsalted peanuts are a joyless abomination best saved for heathens, would-be sinners, and followers of Sylvester Graham).

The sandwich already has 9,000 calories, so what’s another 200 from two tablespoons of a useless condiment? It’s not like the US has major issues with obesity or anything....

Mixing up the avocado with a little bit of sugar and salt is one way to make a peanut-butter like substitute for people with peanut allergies.

Cook down the onion in a pan and then add in the kraut and some caraway seed. I mainly do this with bratwurst but it can be done with a regular ol’ frank. 

I’m from the Seattle area and the worst pizza I’ve ever eaten was from a ferry terminal in southwestern BC. Do you know how bad pizza has to be for someone from Seattle to clown on it? I’ve often heard people utter the line “there’s no real thing such as bad pizza” and I will vociferously refute them with my tale of…

Cauliflower can be anything but edible. At some point during my adulthood, my taste buds changed enough to let me enjoy certain foods that I did’t like growing up, but cauliflower didn’t get the message. My idea of cutting flour in pizza dough involves adding cornmeal.

I tolerate cooked green pepper in certain situations, but I remember ordering nachos at this one place and the sliced jalapenos they used were of the raw and non-pickled variety. From that moment forward, I have never been able to fully trust menu descriptions of dishes because what they served me was technically…

Is it possible for a person to snort their own ego?

I think he’s going to be bringing out that line more and more as the legal shit he’s sinking in creeps further and further up his neck.

I think Presti got lucky in that the Kevin Durant pick was a consensus pick. All of the talk surrounding the 2007 draft centered around the debate over whether Greg Oden or Kevin Durant would be taken first, and it was agreed that whichever player wasn’t taken first would be taken second. After Portland took Oden with…

It’s been a while since I’ve had a JiTB taco, but the main flavors I seem to remember the most were salt, fried crispy shell, and hot sauce. That’s not exactly a bad combination right there. The meat itself doesn’t really have to carry much weight under the other ingredients.

If I can remember July 1st, 1867, you can remember 32 and 212. 

Not only did Alaska get well above 30 degrees, it reached 90 degrees. If Anchorage could only muster 30 degrees in summer, we’d have a much bigger problem on our hands because that would be a nuclear winter-type scenario.

I suppose the big difference between the examples you stated is that disabilities and stuttering are not voluntary actions. Being overweight is a choice people make. Like me, some people slowly begin to tack on the pounds after a relatively skinny childhood, but it doesn’t happen overnight. Obesity takes day after day…

“Latinx” is a pointless term. In English, Latino succinctly applies to all Latin Americans across the ever changing spectrum of gender. It’s only in specific contexts where the distinction between Latino and Latina becomes necessary. The people who use “Latinx” are people who are so concerned about potentially offendi…

If you’re going to belittle the intelligence of others, it might help to NOT USE A MISPLACED APOSTROPHE IN THE SAME GOD DAMN PARAGRAPH.

So you’re telling me Aaron Heilman wasn’t good?

I don’t know if it’s intentional or not, but every bag of Chex Mix has the occasional piece of Chex that’s coated with an abnormally large amount of seasoning and those pieces are THE BEST. Why can’t they just make a mix with nothing but those?