Obligatory Simpsons kinja reference, 9/14/16

I also think almond milk can fuck right off. It tastes fine, but it provides a small fraction of the nutritional benefits of either dairy or soy milk, and in my opinion it’s a very wasteful way to use a very water-intensive crop. I was so pumped for it too since I’m lactose-intolerant but soy and I are still bff.

Still sad Parks & Rec is over.

There’s no such thing as Almond Milk or Soy Milk...it’s called juice. Until we genetically modify fruit to have udders that is...

Well it WAS a bullshit lawsuit. But perfectly legal.

Taking “Junior” to the hospital is a totally valid use of a sick day under basically every rule out there. What the fuck.

From the title, I was really hoping this was a story about a band destroying a town in Florida.

Right. Because there are no gay pedos.

Give him advice on how to groom his genitals?

YouTuber Arrested For Allegedly Intending To Have Sexual Relations With Minor

Ok that made me almost laugh out loud at work.

Now you know how old I am.

That joke feels about three decades out of date.

He’s in a hurry because the wife and kids are waiting in the car.

Really? My network is locked down and my kids do not have computers in their rooms. But I’m in tech. I suspect parents with no technical acumen don’t know how to do that.