In the sink? I kinda doubt that you do. Recife was lacking in that regard when I was there. In the shower, yes you have hot water.

It was implied, but also a good opportunity to put up one of the more relatable insane Seinfeld things.

You get chased on Sunday, that means you get minimum six days off until the next chase. (Another Sunday) You could get more, but those aren’t for sure and you need to get back to the safety of your house after that. Two week vacations aren’t in your cards as a wanted ostrich man.

My brother and I got in trouble for offering ice cream to a (fat) Mike Fetters when he was warming up in the bullpen. They didn’t kick us out though, just gave us a warning. It worked out, he gave up many runs (I don’t remember specifics). As little as I remember of the day, I don’t think you could ever convince my…

How the hell do people know the sexual orientation of umps? They are asexual on the field, and their names are largely interchangeable. This was one dedicated bigot.

AT&T bleacher fans do the classic “what’s the matter with ______?” And the return is “he’s a bum!” - this goes on for hours. With hundreds of fans. “You suck!” From one dude is insignificant. That said, if you are the only dumb dumb, it’s really easy to pick you out and tell you to go home.

Then what’s the point of the money? Just to blow it all on ostrich preparation? Beer all the way.

I never understood this. I have much less stress when I just read the scores when I gamble.

Newsflash: Bill Simmons did not invent the concept of the mailbag.

I don’t return fruit. Fruit is a gamble. I know that going in.

I’d prefer the back to back chase days, it gives you a good idea of when the next chase is (you get six whole days of partying before another chase!)

I pretend to be dead inside, but I refuse to watch any kid’s movie ever because then I have to go hide in the bathroom to avoid tearing up.

I still can’t believe they left the stick. The wind there was so perfect, the tunnels to the concourse so ill-designed that I swear to the gods of physics that I once saw a man vomit, and the wind in the tunnel carried it out of the stadium without any touching the concrete.

“I live next to the third most popular girl in school!" All those rankings you just said are the result of Napoleon syndrome for places to live. “I’m not the smallest, wah!” You are #1 in garbage cities and nothing else. The reason that I know you suck is because you are defending Ohio instead of writing about why…

Is that even a thing though? Not knowing that Pokemon exists? It feels like a 100% brand recognition thing, the way that Hersey’s or coke are known.

You’re the dumb dumb taking about hot women and cheap beer as the selling points of a country

When I in Recife, there were tons of people, but few to none in the water. The reason? The water was filled with garbage. I only found this out by being the idiot that went in the water. Brazil is in that fucking terrible place where their economic growth happens at the expense of the poor and the environment. Just…

Had to be one moron here

Ah yes, because you were there and the locals didn’t mind it is fine.

40-50% ethanol isn’t a good sterilizing agent. You need 70-90%. Stick to star San.