I’ve always been unclear how it is counter-productive to “be nice to white people.” Not only could you be bringing your wrath down on someone who has done nothing to offend, there is a larger and more salient idea at work here: everyone deserves to be treated nicely, regardless of how they look. It seems to me that…

Yea people do say that and it makes sense. That said, there’s a difference between not taking on unwanted/unnecessary job and deliberately being unpleasant to someone who asked a question. Don’t respond to them if it’s not your job to educate them

I’m curious what makes you think that specifically?

Rather snippy response to someone who was being genuine and self-effacing in their effort not to get this kind of response.

Well sure. I mostly thought it was odd to tell her she doesn’t matter. I don’t think she’s figured out to make her existence uniquely more meaningless. Be cool if she did though. & I don't think publishing a book of questionable taste counts toward that end.

Everyone’s existence is inherently meaningless.