Okay look, he may be an old guy who doesn’t understand the internet or modern satire, but his polo shirt proves he’s on the level.

Funny how the guy who came closest to stopping Messi there was Luis Suárez.

“FIFA has stated that it is responding to all requests for information,” huh? That must make Michelle’s job a whole lot simpler. Her message was so patronizingly vague and full of platitudes that I couldn’t help but hear Sepp Blatter’s pinched voice and distinctive accent as I read it. I suppose that kind of horseshit…

Really, Billy Haisley? Blatter seems cute and charming? He makes us believe he deserves his power? ...Yeeeeah, I guess, if by charming you mean like a charmingly evil Bond villain. You hear “that cute little accent,” I hear “No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!”

#voidtheblatter

I just pictured this ending with Diego Maradona riddling an imperious Blatter with crossbow bolts as he sits on the john.

Because flame is FAST, man. Did you know that tongue of flame ran a 2.2 100 meters in college? I’m drafting that tongue of fire, and you’re gonna teach him to catch a football or that fire will be what happens to your ass.

23. Kicks your feet, propped up on coffee table, out of the way so he can walk around you.

Maybe that part is in there - I didn’t realize that these were three separate clips of the interview; I thought you had mistakenly posted the same YouTube three times, so I just listened to the bottom one.

That clip doesn’t even have the worst part. There was a point in the interview when he said something about her having him on her show, but “if you are willing to welcome me with open arms, as they say, you should really be willing to welcome me with open legs.” At which point I just about welcomed back my lunch with…

Golly, it looks like bullfighting is even a little more dangerous than soccer!

Let’s see here. Qatar is 1) absurdly wealthy and indulgent in all manner of luxury, 2) oppresses the shit out of women as a matter of course, 3) suffers practically no consequences for the crimes it continues to commit, and 4) bars journalists who ask it questions it doesn’t want to answer...

Dude went down like it was European Rules Football.

Hey, that’s the same woman who was selling unfuckability to Neil Patrick Harris. She must be stopped.

OK, you asked for it: well, there’s Yovani Gallardo, Micah Owings, Jason Marquis, Mike Leake, & more. But on top of all that, the .090/.130 batting average number doesn’t mean much when you consider that pitchers don’t get a lot of plate appearances, since A) they bat 9th, B) they are frequently called on to sacrifice…

I’m gonna just leave this right here.

When is an eternal flame not eternal? When they turn it off for Chargers games.

I want people to miss this fight. May 2nd, Mayweather-Pacquiao — tune out. Don’t be there.

Katie Couric needs to explain herself. Or at least attempt to.

And for a brief, shining moment, Queens Park Raisins fans could feel a little less shriveled.