*Sigh* OK, I'll grant you, drinking & driving is bad. It's a hell of a lot more dangerous than smoking weed. But for fuck's sake, did Josh Gordon even so much as commit a crime? Not that criminal statutes are always a fair yardstick (see above, "marijuana"), but unless Gordon got drunk and got behind the wheel again…

Ronaldo hit him in the chin with his left at the same time as he kicked him. And frankly, if I'm Edimar there, I act like I got blown up by a missile too. Because if CR7 does something that deserves a straight red, and the ref doesn't notice it because I'm determined to be the guy who can take a shot , then I'm the…

Slap noise? Please. That shit was foley.

Yeah, he took one in the team.

But... it was only a test!

There's a reason I call my fantasy team the E.J. Junior Sr. Junior High Grumpy Hippos.

"Whatever. The Raiders' days as the suckiest team in the Bay Area are numbered."

I simply adore the phrase "temporary stadium." It's like the Olympics are a kid's birthday party, and an 80,000-seat venue can be rented like a bouncy house.

Worth trying to carry on just so you could say "and I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids!"

That thing is gaudy as shit. The TSA did him a favor by confiscating it.

"Hey, come on! I was gonna wear that to my sister's wedding!"

Over the weight limit?

Your piece about Serial mirrors your critique thereof. You started off well, and laid a thesis on us:

What the fuck is this guy doing? Trying to light them all on fire?

I think I've been reading too much of the Old Hoss Radbourn twitter feed.

Are we through the looking glass here, people? What happened to football players having enough sense to be embarrassed that they'd been cuckolded?

Betrayed, my ass. The puppy TOLD him he was gonna pee on the carpet.

Say what you want about soccer players, but at least they don't have flop cushioning. There's something especially candy-assed about flopping in full pads and a helmet.

I guess I'm still alone in my opinion that Ray Hudson's and his squealing hyperbole have jumped the shark and flown through a flaming hoop of self-parody.