David, I had no idea you were such a hardened criminal.

I’m far more likely to use the James Comey party hack; stand at the edge of the room and try to blend in with the curtains.  

Dear Gods of the Underworld,

Hi, how you doin? Your moms said to tell you that they’re doing fine, but that you should ring more, and maybe eat a little more healthily.

So About Rudy Giuliani, I know he’s old as the hills, and as racist as the love child of and Birth of a Nation and Steve Bannon. I know he’s deserving…

Every man has his price, and some of them are in the discount bin.

She tried very hard to get him to pull out and he wasn’t having it. She’s pretty worried

“At some point in your life, probably several points, you’ve discussed how much money you would have to be paid in order to do something painful or humiliating.”

Yeah but when can I get a two door? :(

“light rust issues” 

Hate to sell but I’m underwater on it.

Outstanding. 

Those barnacles will buff right out.

In storage since new.

Has it ever been in a Great Lakes shipwreck?

I know what Ive got. NO LOWBALLERS!

When you dance with the devil, you wait for the song to stop.

If they turn out to be sentient, what does that make me?

Note to self - stay away from Tree Hitler over here.

It’s a small world, after all.  Or at least it will be.

I thought this was very funny, and it’s disappointing to see so many people being dumb asses about it. Don’t stop!

Not with that attitude, I won’t.