I once insisted on getting my dad purple lurex socks for his birthday, when I was four or five. I’m fifty now. He still has them and I think he’s worn them once.

I’d forgotten all about this and I’m so embarrassed to disclose it. When I was maybe eight or nine, during the school summer holidays, I was invited to a friend’s birthday party. I don’t know why I didn’t tell my parents so that they could get a present for me to take, but on the day I grabbed a couple of used biros…

People don’t believe women even after a courtroom.

I went out with a guy who had been married. When they got married, neither of them wanted kids, his wife changed her mind, he didn’t, they divorced. We were together a couple of years, I had an accidental pregnancy, he tried to pressure me into an abortion, I miscarried. We broke up. He then married a woman with kids.

The main issue is what would we replace them with? The monarch is an apolitical head of state, useful for the stuff where you want somebody to represent the country (Olympics, horrible disasters like Grenfell, national remembrance events etc) without being associated with a government. And the from coronation to death…

The thing is, most Brits don’t care. We really don’t. We have a monarchy, it chugs along in the background, we get on with our lives. Other than the mad Dianaholics who think she was the next thing to a saint, the rest of us just think well, everyone makes mistakes, it was decades ago, let them move on.

Mountbatten, not Montbatten.

My school  uniform was predominantly grey. I hated it and it made me look grey. I still don’t wear it.

A bunch of us had our “colours done” in an abridged process on a hen weekend. I’m cool and deep. Yeah baby.

I often make butternut squash and goat cheese lasagne. There are lots of recipes for squash curries too. And it’s great in risotto.

I don't get why people are so outraged. Cheating is bad, of course it is, but it's hardly unheard of, and Charles and Camilla aren't the first and won't be the last. Their transgressions aren't worse than anybody else's and they're nobody else's business. And it was decades ago. They're obviously happy together, leave…

The only debate about Harry's parentage comes from morons who don't understand that his red hair comes from his mother's side.

Also, she didn't give them to him. They were a married couple who had children together.

The Scottish Enlightenment had worldwide effects last time around. Fingers crossed for this time.

Nooooooo.

Then you’d probably love it now.

If you have half an hour to spare, spend it here

Bagpuss is fucking excellent, as were all the Peter Firmin/Oliver Postgate creations. I have a microwaveable wheatbag Bagpuss that I never use because I can’t bring myself to put Bagpuss in the microwave.

Pete

I love mango, but it’s not even in the top 10 best fruits.