Alan Rickman was incredibly attractive, and Snape is my favourite character from the Potterverse because he was so complex and intriguing, but anyone who thinks they’re communing with the spirit of a fictional dead wizard needs some sort of therapy.

That’s the legal minimum. Many employers offer more.

On the steps of my yoga studio while I was posting a cheque through the letterbox for next term’s classes.

It's late for dinner, early for bed.

Iced buns aren’t hotdog buns, they’re sweeter. Possibly hotdog buns from Subway. And they’re fucking delicious, in a kind of sad, post-war, not-quite-finished-rationing way.

“The wife can have wine”?

Taking a lot of care with pouring a whisky is just pouring a whisky.

“Rabbie’s day”?

Making sure the bar is stocked with what it needs seems like the whole point of the job, not “more than a satisfactory level of service.”

Time travel? I’d go back and shag Harrison Ford at his peak hotness.

Why are you pretending pores can be shrunk?

Why are you pretending pores can be shrunk?

Do you have some congenital inability to acknowledge the existence of Britain?

I wouldn’t. I know it’s easy to say, but no, I wouldn’t. Taxes are like smear tests - unpleasant but necessary.

I get that for rich people and the self-employed they have accountants and tax schemes and all that palaver. But for normals, the American tax system really baffles me. In the UK, if you’re an employee, you’re automatically opted in to Pay As You Earn (PAYE). The Inland Revenue works out your tax code (how much you…

There’s an excellent book by Patrick Holford called The New Optimum Nutrition Bible. It’s 500+ pages of scientific research, detailed info on vitamins, minerals and other nutrients, and step by step plans to creating your own supplement programme. I recommend it.

I laughed til I cried at the cake busts.

I had a naevus removed from my wrist, but I used to tell people the scar was another mouth growing.

What the fuck are you talking about? And please, back up your “most bigoted” assertion with some evidence.

Fingers crossed this comes into effect throughout the UK.

So in his mind, trees die, fall down, dry out, then get up and explode? Is he smoking crack?