He lives a quiet life, but he can't escape his past and the comedy underworld is now pulling him back in for one last schtick.

Why don't you marry him and have sex with him and have kids and a house?

You must be a Yalie.

He just yearns for human touch.

Mary Berry fairly rarely bakes cakes that are really mealy.

“I am never more at home than when I have my judging hat on,….

What if he fired Pence in effigy? Like a Jos A. Bank suit filled with hay and a stick up its butt?

She laughs at us while eating pedophilic pizzas!

You must have been an ace at writing those high school book reports on novels you didn't read.

Sounds like a fun summer blockbuster starring Kevin James!

Fire marshal's not gonna like that.

An internship of sorts on stabbings and maybe cannibalism.

Well, a lot of them are thinner than Chris Christie.

Some people I'm curious to watch hump in a public hot tub. Jeff Sessions and Jared Kushner are not in that group.

There's a sound. Like a wet fart.

That calls for a cookie-cutter biopic!

Now, Todd, I would like you to give us a demonstration of a barbaric yawp.

I really like Mountain Man. I'm sure someone was bound to ask.

He doesn't have the star power of, um, Kate Gosselin.

Unless the pope's also on the show.